Fall in this state does something to my insides. It has all of my life. When I lived and traveled elsewhere it was never the same, yet finally being back here it is still inexplicable. It invokes some sense of nostalgia I dont even know how to place, as it has stirred in me since when I was even too young to have a reference point on which to place it.
All that has happened upon growing older is that the feeling has grown more complicated – mixing the un-placeable nostalgia with the real memories and feeling. Though its not just a feeling for specific moments, so much as it is more like a space suspended in time. Like a dream. The smell of it, the look of the heavy gray clouds blotting out mountain tops, it registers outside of hours and clocks. It feels otherworldly, and like I’m passing through a veil to dabble in this other dimension.
I feel more like I should just lay down and be part of the wet leaf litter, a wolf slinking through the mist, become a ghost in the woods somewhere… another mysterious light meandering around Brown Mountain, or perhaps join the Nunnehi.
It is a gnawing in the back of my very physical presence every day that it is autumn here.
I never mind it, but I wish to figure out more ways to embrace it.
I suppose I’ve been trying all of my life.